She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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