We got so high we made milksteak
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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