it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
