i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
