Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
