I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
