What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
