Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
