you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
