I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
