wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i barfeds in our rink
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
