If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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