I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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