no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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