its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
