I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
