I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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