Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
