I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
