Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
