Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
