we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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