i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
