I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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