I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
