You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
