I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
