My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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