operation harelip BJ is a go
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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