i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
