can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
