Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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