I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
