So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
