he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
