it wasn't lemon gatorade
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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