and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
