Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
