I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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