Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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