i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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