i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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