It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
