You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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