evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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