Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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