It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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