i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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