at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
this will be a night to untag.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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