you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
