So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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